Let’s face it, meeting someone that you agree with 100 percent with all the time is not realistic.

And who would want to date, marry your twin, a clone, someone identical? A person different than you broadens you, comes in to a relationship with expertise, talents, experiences you lack in lots of areas. And can improve you. And you do likewise if you can adopt effective ways to deal with conflict resolution. Look, embrace those differences. List the good rather than what the other person lacks that you wished they had.

The couple that says we never fight, disagree, argue.

Whoa. If there is a healthy input from both sides to achieve unity, oneness more often than not, there is going to be a bit of tug of war until both share the same vision of the final output in decision making. Decisions that involve both members of the relationship. Not strong armed or coerced in to agreement or by default, just whatever you want to do to avoid an argument.

Surrender is a powerful skill in a relationship. So are words of affirmation, encouragement. The ability to deal with conflict constructively along with effective communication are probably the two single most important skills to learn to have a peaceful, happier relationship. Makes sense. So why is it so hard to accomplish on a regular basis?

Since we are all different, and differences are not deficiencies, then the communication, the conflict resolution styles vary too.

But there are still some patterns to adopt to make the family home a healthier place without the tension, confusion or tip toe silence of resentment out of frustration happening. Which hurts the entire household, family that does not feel safe and secure in that kind of environment. Or for a more successful career, life outside the home and in the world that reminds you no man is an island. We need to get along, learn from each other.

Here is a site that covers some of the building blocks of conflict resolution. Respect for each other is essential to keep a two way back and forth of constructive communication to work toward resolution.

So understanding the process, knowing your strengths and weakness before battle field conditions are set up and cross fire happens. Before the zing of sniping ricochets around you is a good idea. If you want the relationship to last, to be deep, rich and lasting. All that it can be.

Compromise and meeting half way sounds easy enough.

But when suddenly a line in the sand is drawn, a do or die situation unfolds that is life and death important, being relaxed, solution oriented can go out the window. And instead of the knock down drag out. A lot of why something seemingly so small becomes so big is due to the stress release of hormones, the same kind used in caveman days when it was eat or be eaten.

Cortisol, Norepinephrine are two of those stress hormones. Health problems happen from too much stress and learning how to cope, avoid and understand conflict resolution can mean you stay on top of the Earth longer. Not buried six feet under.

It is good to be a good provider, but relationships around you are more important than your labor.

What you do to go beyond meeting the basic needs of a family. Being able to shut off work, take vacations, relax once you have enough saved for the rainy day is key.

Starting out, you may have had to scrimp, save, work an extra job to make ends meet. But there comes a time to open up the financial ledger, realize hey, you can ease it back a notch. You have savings, things paid for and it is time to have more fun as the kids leave the nest. For the better part of two decades, kids do take a priority and should not be neglected. And when you work at a job you love, you never work a day in your life. Passion in both is key. But relationships with the one you loved should not take a back seat, get short changed in over book lifestyles of busyness. Collecting stuff, things.

Could you when things were calm, easy going be able to discuss what you did like, were not as wild about each other? To exchange the list without anyone getting defensive or being wrong? Because everyone likes something different about other people right? Not to change the person but to help the other person know what to be sensitive about.

But remembering how you react to others is even more important to letting them be who they are. Understanding why they are shaped today that way. But together, subtle, slow improvements for the good of the relationship can happen if both work to polish the rough spots to bring two entirely different people closer together in to one solid partnership.

But what if you and your mate were carbon copies.

All fine and dandy right? No, differences can broaden a person and stretch, allow both to grow if they are embraced, celebrated. Be glad no one is just like you, one is enough and none of us is perfect. But maybe in a relationship, two joining forces are way better than each alone would ever be.

It is normal to disagree, discuss, come up with solutions and better communication tools together. And for each to compromise at times. You can disagree and it does open up the conversation and better communication can happen as long as no one is threatened by something different they initially believed right? Can you compromise, not always have to be right? If not why? Explore that and easier relationships can happen.

Can you apologize if you say something too sharply? Or admit that what you don’t want to hear from the other applies, is right when you consider it without anger? Even say you have been kind to point that out, that is was helpful to me? Stand up for your beliefs and not have to back down too.

You can be strong minded, not a whimp but sometimes having a strong viewpoint once in a while can be useful to seeing, accepting the other person’s point of view. Then adding that to your own and coming up with an even better idea or thought jointly.

Or maybe if people don’t have disagreements, if people don’t argue or disagree ever, they are too much alike. Which sounds like a good thing but is it no fun being married to your twin, someone too much alike. Too predicable or neither one can make a decision, take a different approach to life decisions.

Also, using the terms “always”, “never” to really broad brush the other in the relationship is not going to help unity.

Is not true because it is never that extreme right? You and I have a role in how good the solution goes or poorly. You and I need to take ownership that maybe we are not the easiest to live with, and there is plenty of room for improvement.

I need to keep my eyes on my paper, work on my assignment, half of the relationship to be the best I can be running all the communication, actions through God first. It takes time, you can not be hurried or too busy with kids, jobs, something else.

Or ignore the process of conflict resolution, studying the unique dynamic of the two of you when you communicate. Skip all of the study or home work together and soon oh oh, problems ahead. You want to get closer to your mate not run away, or push them away right? I never thought it through that fully either. Don’t feel bad.

Moderation, priorities, not letting things build up and keeping everything in balance has to happen.

Having God at the forefront of your life needs to be part of your plan for richer, more enjoyable living. Is it? Maine, the place to figure things out with less people, more outdoor beauty and natural settings. Less fights more outdoor fun happens in Maine.

I’m Maine REALTOR Andrew Mooers, ME Broker