Ever find yourself in a group that the main topic is other people that rub them the wrong way?
One by one, systematically this person, that individual is hoisted up for all to review, critique. When you are silent or squirming, not so comfortable you might even be asked for your contribution to the conversation.
What do you think about so and so? Pick up a rock, lob it in. Zing them. Three things happen when at a holiday gathering, after church lunch, in a social setting and the topic of what do you think about so and so comes up for a question.
I don’t hate anyone. I am not a good person to ask for judgement of another. I feel I have lots to work on and pretty happy, content, humble.
The second feeling that hits deep down in the bones is what would this posse bsaying about me if not here?
Not wild about being the topic of conversation on a slow news day. Or to help roast another that I don’t really know or if I did, who am I to apply the lashes? Move them into the cross hairs. To critique, find fault, ridicule.
Maybe it is being busy. Lots to do with family, in the community, work. Heck blogging. Plenty to do so not wasting daylight character bashing another. Sometimes the person rotated into the same diss I heard last link up is close to home. Married to a cousin…. (hands up, fingers making cross) Time out. Whoa.
In small Maine towns, not many of us here so we need all the helping hands possible. Tread lightly and cut others slack, hoping for the same in return. Many hands. The entire team and this is what we have so make it work, be highly creative in a small Maine town applies. To keep it alive, vibrant.
The third reason just not in the habit of dissing others is taught to look for the good.
To admire effort, trying to do good works even if coming up a little short of the target. The heart was in the right place, it is the thought that counts. Parents reward and recognized sincere effort. Encouragement went a long way to keep you moving, productive and from standing still, feeling sorry for yourself.
Insecurity within oneself could be the reason the habit happens. Finding fault in others to make you feel like you measure up higher on a scale someone out there secretly records.
Inside you know you did a good job, not having the fancy, the favor of all those around you. There is a higher power you answer to, pray with and that loves you. C. S. Lewis weighs in on why people judge.
A lady I know told me it is hard to go on a car ride with two others that are on board for out of town meetings.
One starts in one by one attacking a person and moves on down the line to another she does not particularly like. And goes into the reasons why they are so irritating, she can not stand them.
The other passenger in the car is good natured but gets pulled into the black widow venom. And the ride is one unpleasant experience for someone who does not know the folks being attacked. Or sometimes she does and has a neutral reaction. Or sports a positive, different one to offer.
She says if she defends, the conversation stalls. The chatter lulls. And the ride is suddenly longer and very quiet. Except for the tunes she cranks up or the sound of the roadway from the tire hum taking over. And all the thoughts in the car go silent, get mulled over in private, not collectively shared.