When a plane goes down, what is looked for first? Well, okay, second after any survivors.
The little black box. To explain, provide clues on what happened. What led up to the moment things began to right on schedule go haywire. All wrong.
How well do you really know someone? Including yourself?
Is the raft of life on the river level, upside down, tilted wildly? If a person hides, retreats, protects a heart that has scars, purple spots from earlier struggles, how close are you, any one allowed to get? How much distance for self survival or to avoid greater pain or suffering do you set up around yourself for the same reason? Like a force field to keep any one, every one at arms length or further? To stay in your own little life boat. To keep from sliding out, taken under by the hydraulics, forces of nature in the paddle for your survival down the river of life.
And when the distance is created, maintained because of having to complete something you stand for, that is deeply engrained, or then later from sheer lonely pain once you are done, the other end of the tin can and string can perceive wrongly it all stems from anger. When it all boils down to just the need for silence. Space to take a break from the hurt, ache. It is not a case of why are you hurting the other intentionally. You are just hurting. Only capable of so much. Each is feeling much of the same heaviness from being apart. Getting away from the flame that burns when it is supposed to heat the bones. Be warm and fuzzy. More often then not. Causing greater misunderstanding. Hurt people hurt people and often without knowingly trying to. Surrender.
We live in an age of smoke and mirrors.
Games, spin to manipulate, to speed up the process to get what we think we want or need. With drive through efficiency. But sincerity, honesty, time help others around you get closer. To see your heart as an open book. The little black box pried open. Protective, fireproof, water resistant covering removed. You can not fix, soothe what is wrong if miscommunication, no back and forth face to face happens. Or when lacking back and forth of today’s truth is discussed. Put it out there to chew on, consider. When you bottom out, get broken, are too tired to be defensive, you retreat from scolding. You turn inward to salve the sores when it all spirals back to you are the only one in the room. With guidance, always always from above.
And does low self esteem kick in to cause the image of just the opposite? Oh sure, some folks with a superiority complex actually think they are a legend in their own minds and time. But many that seem together are just the opposite. Partially to not show the world the real person for fear no one would like them. Trying to be what another needs, to make them happy leaves sadness. A hole that does not get fixed. And grows larger.
Just got the memo. Everyone, I mean everyone makes them. Isn’t the secret to see the truth, not getting defensive and to not keep making blind mistakes? To realize why what you think will help does not work for the other as a solution. Because it does not consider the other person’s feelings totally when they need you the most. What they hunger, thirst for, appreciate.
Everyone wants to feel secure, cared about, loved and that they matter. To be understood and accepted. It is a blessed event when you find someone who is not afraid to show you the good, bad and the ugly. And you do likewise. Simple. So the foundation for the relationship is honest, real, genuine, accountable. Not trying to be just what the other needs and losing yourself in the process. Just doing your best day to day. Trying to improve as you learn more about the other. And yourself in the process from the other. As both open up. Head to the “best is yet to come” stage of the deeper relationship.
Maine, a place with space. Lots of nooks and crannies with drop dead gorgeous natural surroundings, less people and more wildlife. To be the best you can be, to grow, mature, to enjoy life more. The others in it. Get here quick as you can.