Let’s rewind back to your childhood, and what worked, what did not in the kid-parent partnership.
Everyone in a family has a role, responsibility and should feel their special place in the household. And that Maine home would not be the same, like the small, tight, local community if the individuals that make it shine were missing. Not in the equation. But lots of “experts” will shake their head side to side when you claim to be one of the lucky ones. And think your parents did a pretty good job of raising their Maine family.
Raising kids is a process. But like anything, opinions on the good, bad, the ugly are all over the landscape about parenting, how best to do it. Ten mistakes in parenting. Every kid is different and so are you through out the cross roads, mile stones of ups and downs in your life. Because of what else is going on around you in the day to day. While parenting and the effect all the people, events, situations ripple. Cause for disturbance from the other balls, knives you juggle to try and hold down a job, improve relationships, to provide a warm, healthy, safe, happy Maine home.
My oldest brother of the four boys Mom and Dad brought into the world says he had different parents than me.
He’s ten years older, I’m on the tail end of the lineage. Parents had some logged miles under the belt by the time I climbed up into the high chair at meal time. And I think he means they were new at this parenting game board, gig. Started immediately after the stork with the tail wind flew over. Air dropped the package. The bundle of joy that was him. The first grandchild that my Aunt Ruth took a real shining to and to the point my Mom had to remind her to bring him back to his real home.
My brother Steve also claims the first kid is a throw away baby because there is a such a steep learning curve for brand spanking new parents. And due to just no written manual on the corner of the coffee table to thumb through for the follow along. To guide, navigate, for directions. To help in the humming the song until you learn the words. And don’t you just get it figured out and there they go. That class is over. Into another new family phase of exploring, independence happens. And the awkward point of still a kid, not quite a grown lady or man presents itself. Spoiling a child is far worse than neglect. A guarantee of unhappiness when others don’t provide the same ego stroking lavishing praise, trinkets. And not being taught responsibility for their own actions, taking ownership of mistakes they do, will make.
Slowly letting out the rope. We prepare kids for the day they leave the aircraft carrier. Launched out into the wild blue yonder. Jettisoned with everything we have learned, passed down and mixed in with items gleaned along the way whipped into the education. To prepare them for the life journey. For when we are gone and no tether harness to bolt cut, saw off, un-knot. For total freedom to run, be in charge of their own life.
One thing for sure, the pirate approach of “the beatings will continue until the morale improves” might work in prisons.
But outside the crow bar hotel or under household roofs not waving the jolly roger or skull and cross bone flag, it is all about consistency. It is moderation. It is routine. Unconditional love and two parents on the same page or at least presenting a unified front. Until behind closed doors, or over coffee in a pair of open porch rocking chairs or on the same swing. To hammer out a solution that is not one or the other but a blend. Of the best of both in the approach to what do we do, say, need to see happen.
So the kids can not work one parent against the other to achieve their means, meet their desires.
New blending families are ripe breeding grounds for missed cues, waving then dropped red flags. The kid wanting his or her way. To game the out come of say “am I getting the keys to the car to go out on a date Friday night or not?” Wanting to know Monday. But being told “It depends on what kind of week you have Suzie, Jimmy”. With hopefully no outside family interference in the leave and cleave. What would they do on The Walton’s, Little House, Ozzie And Harriet, or Ozzy and Sharon? (Record diamond needle ground, ripped across vinyl record scratch, screech sound).
Ever been somewhere when a small child has a tantrum, meltdown? Ever want to give advice but not your kid but you see who has the upper hand, no respect for the one that is suppose to be in charge. Pushing the card, paying for the goods at check out. During the carrying on, screaming, beside themselves emotional boil over.
Video On Not So Happy Small Kids, How Parents Handle It Right Or Wrong.
Did your parents threaten to put your tantrum, melt down on You Tube instead of the standard default response to a quandry. “You wait until your father gets home.”?