“Well la de da”…. is not the typical way people in Maine lead their lives.
I grew up in a household in Maine without the ravages of alcoholism. I did not have one parent that dominated the other, I did not see maniuplation or live under a judgemental critical spirit. There was no holier than thou tutelage taught to the household. We were neither in steerage or first class.
What you saw was who we are. No better or worse than anyone else around us. All beginners in consideration for others, not our own selfish designs to impress or need to have anyone else envy us. We did not seek to call attention to ourselves. No one in our household was a carrier, would test positive for a character of unrepentive sin, idolatry of someone with a destructive Jezebel spirit.
Everyone in the family was unique. A special instrument contributing to the harmony for the common good of what happened inside, outside those four walls. No one put on airs, a show outside the Maine home and there was transparency.
There was not a sharp cutting tongue putting down anyone in our household growing up.
No one tip toed because heads would roll if you did not. There was pure strong love. Both parents thought they had gotten the better end of the trade in the marriage.
No one thinking he or she deserved more in a mate.
No one pregnant, forced to get married and dragged to the altar for the knot tying or resentful because they were sure they deserved better. And did not care who knew it, inside or outside the four walls. No parent trying to change the other but working on adjustment, tinkering within themselves to improve the performance of the marriage.
I saw a Dad that openly expressed love to my Mom. Affectionately calling her “Weeze” or “Mother” her special title as the ring leader for raising the four boys. Dad giving her a hug, kiss and saying I love you heard, seen, felt though out my childhood. Kids seeing that beam, both parents are working together. You felt the unending love. Conflicts, good and tough times came up, but there was a common connection. Family love was the glue that cemented it rock tight. They took turns, shared the reins guiding, shaping the family.
The marriage started from scratch, lasting over sixty years and everything they had they toiled to earn together. No second marriages where one mate was out to better their financial station in life. Leaving one mate with distaste in their mouth and blamed for everything wrong in the marriage. To upgrade to one with a more income zero places on their tax return. And the sole attraction to tap in to a money pit to live a more lavish lifestyle to impress others with their new found financial success. That is shallow, arrogant, selfish and your kids placed second to the need for money to get attention and artificial happiness.
A marriage is not supposed to always be happy, it is suppose to be holy.
Both my parents were spiritual, and during discourse would retreat, lick their wounds and consider where their thinking needed adjustment. And apologies presented. Forgiveness on both sides extended and received. It was not one way where there was an alpha male or female dominating the wrinkle smoothing when offenses happened. You saw ownership of who did what that rubbed the other the wrong way. I did not see manipulation to get one to do what the other wanted. They did not play mind games.
If one parent had always been the one beat down, to come up short, made to feel the blame and shame for not measuring up, resentment would have in time filled the family home.
The toxins tainting the way the kids in that family grew up to raise their brood. In a healthy family relationship you all build for the common good of the household. Rather than develop unhealthy coping skills to survive and take care of yourself to get what you think you need and deserve.
When you grow up on a Maine family farm, you see your parents, brothers, sisters more than the nine to five routine households.
You eat breakfast, lunch, supper together. No one runs out the door to catch a train, do the morning commute to work. You live where you work. The barn for chores with critters, the neighboring fields to labor in. To create, plant, cultivate, harvest crops working around the weather and market conditions. To feed your family, with left over to sell to maintain that farm house, out buildings. To provide the shelter, food, surroundings for your kids and a place attached to the rear of the home for a set of elderly parents.
At the center of a strong, down to earth Mainer’s life is the family. Bumps, bruises, warts and all. You’re in a family. Something to learn from, cling to during the ups and downs of life. Maine real estate buyers often comment that boy, these small town folks are friendly, helpful, hardworking but pretty much day to day life is centered around church, their families, outdoor recreation. It makes it harder for singles, couples without kids or extended families in the area because of it. Watch some Maine farm real estate videos. Not a bad place to raise a family, provide healthy education for your kids.
I’m Maine REALTOR Andrew Mooers, ME Broker
207.532.6573
info@mooersrealty.com