The way you and I remember the dead, especially our family members is often more lofty than when theywere alive on earth.
We tend to see the good points we enjoyed, loved and miss most.
The rest of their faults, sins, mistakes are dismissed.
Free to go, escorted to the door or dimmed in our thinking.
In history, all Presidents, Kings, Queens or notable standouts were not pure white like the driven snow.
Since they were all human, none were without the scarlet red stain caused by sin for all to see.
We are made to experience, account for our mistakes, and weather the set backs, tough patches in life for a reason. To improve so the quality of life for us, others in it does too.
And as a shiny example for our kids, our mate, the community and world around us. In this temporary place that is a very short training grounds for eternity spent in a location yet to be determined.
Our parents are supposed to be our role models.
But there does come a time in your life when you don’t just see them as Mom and Dad. If you are so lucky to have enjoyed living parents. And know who they are, where they are if you do. When you from time to time reflect on your parents by their God given names John and Mary Lou in my case, you see them from a different more honest light. And see you as them when childhood events unfold. Spend some time in their moccasins, experience why they did or did not do what you thought was best at the time. Before logging this many miles away upon follow up review looking back reflection.
Understanding, wisdom, valuable experiences come only with the passage of time.
Is not vending machine quick, coin slot delivered. And the partnership your parents had was a summation of first their childhood. What they brought in to the marriage for the good, bad and the ugly. And the rock polishing, refinement of life’s up and down process the two of them needed to both improve.
What one lacked in character in one regard, the other was well stocked in.
Heard, sensed the cue to come in, assume leadership to take up the slack. Address the issue as the alpha male or female called for at the time. Because both trusted each other, knew each other, and for the common good of the two, it was the logical rhythm of the marriage, union’s harmony.
Wouldn’t you agree that most people in the world are well intentioned? Having beating hearts with a spirit seeking peace, greater love to bask in with harmony the goal? Wanting solutions rather than to create turmoil, chaos, pain if they can just figure out how? Then sometimes looking at your parents honestly, or having a mate you trust help in discussions can reveal see the source of why fuller peace and greater love are not so easy to achieve. We learn just as much from our parents short falls as illustrations and guidance on where we need to improve, areas we need to work on.
Without getting defensive, you see, understand where one parent came up short in a few departments and that you used to just leave it alone.
Not discuss. But you can not, should not skip around the exercise or feel defensive, disloyal. Working on that draw back does not threaten your overall love for the person under the microscope. Because the truth will set you free. It turns lights on when you are in the dark without a German Sherperd, a white cane. And you are looking at part of yourself, the product of the best, missing or worst that your parents provided you with from the best of intentions. We all have limitations to work on. And will not improve, find greater happiness in life with others until we find it within ourselves first.
Help with understanding, explanation of why earlier events in your relationship with them unfolded the way they did. As you balance it out with credit due for where they got high marks in other areas. You can not like or enjoy a trait, tendency in a loved one without stopping the love for them. If you take accept the whole person as overall good intentioned, with valuable other traits, tendencies.
You and I inherit traits, tendencies that prohibit, impede us from peace in our relationships.
And seek the unlocking key for the sweet passage moving us closer to our loved ones. If your mate said your Dad tended to judge people as good or bad. To quickly categorized them like the same process standing at a potato grading table in the spud storage house. It does not mean they think the person is all bad, off with their head. Or to stop loving them and serve as a cue for you to run to the defense of the parent. Because when you don’t consider the pearl of wisdom they just shared, you are performing the same “you’re in, you’re out”, good or bad judgement sorting.
And it does not mean now is a good time to point out a flaw on the other side of the in laws. Held up your sleeve like a fifth Acre in the card game to drop at the appropiate time for a little tit for tat, how does it feel reaction.
Developing open mindedness, knowing we are all prone to making quick judgements about another person without all the facts is a vital start in our new way of thinking.
Basing your opinion on a person with absolute certainty but missing experiences, many interactions with that person might filter, color your thumbnail sketch of the individual. Just arriving at a conclusion with other people’s remarks is dangerous too. With the microwave quick thinking concluding the total person is overall good or bad. No shades of gray for you, just black or white. Based on just your own world view, perspective which is pretty limited.
It can all make for a small room of trusted friends, family and associates as someone hands you a scepter and a lead goblet not containing milk or honey but bitter tasting vinegar. And puts you on a pedestal throne that is exposed to the harsh north wind of isolation, a prison of your own making.
When you one by one acknowledge your weak points, the areas needing daily attention to improve and enhance, it leaves less time and removes the desire to study, judge others. The need to point out everything that is wrong with them should change focus, shifting your eyes to your own inventory clip board of items you humbly create. The areas you ask God to help you with that need serious daily attention. And are life long exercises as we stretch, grow, improve.