Conflicts in life, in relationships happen and how to resolve them is obviously a special, uniquely tailored skill.
Because no two people are the same. Each brings a different set of demands or ability to make concessions to the table. Look at the world that more often than not is fighting over something. Land, religion, non acceptance of a culture other than your own.
So working solutions in a relationship, to come up with a foundation of unity, oneness over the long haul. Why so hard to have harmony and why dissension, tip toeing or long periods of silence sulking?
The number one wrecking ball of relationships as C S Lewis expands on and explains why the five letter word, the condition is so destructive to peace, love, contentment. Lewis says pride has been the number one cause of misery in the world, the family since the beginning of time.
You, I were not designed to be filled with, to demonstrate great degrees of personal pride. Instead any success, talents, abilities or any life purpose we have comes from our creator, does not originate within ourselves.
But taking the credit, giving yourself a pat on the back is like pulling out a pie thumb and saying oh, what a good boy am I. We are not talking “good job on the front lawn mowing son” kinda pride. But the “I’m better than you, look at all I have that you don’t, how great a person I am” not so pretty pride.
As long as you are too proud, you can not know God. Don’t need one. You become one. Because when conflicts come up, you have no fault. Not to blame. It becomes the other person’s problem, mistake. The degree of blame, how much you decide to heap on the other person for blame is in direct proportion to the amount of pride your inflated, puffed up your chest displays for all to see.
It is not about you, it is not about me. Go back to who made you. Don’t get in the trap of worshipping anything or anyone else. Prideful people are poison. If they surrender, acknowledge it, the relationship can grow, flourish and all around it will benefit.
Pride produces a closed mind, not open to advice.
The relationship can not get around the stumbling block, line in the sand that is so important to the one who dug it with his, her heel. Pride is the main ingredient in any quarrel.
Holier than thou approach to judging others instead of working on you. Because in extreme cases of pride not thinking you need any improvement. Not responsible. Self importance. Thinking you are without fault. Needing spotlight center attention with cars, clothes, jewels, “toys” and adornment or living through the accomplishments of your kids and taking full credit is the pride that destroys relationships. Our country is marketing heavily with the more is better and happiness is tied to how much material “stuff” you hoard. It is not.
Your heart is only so big. Has room for only so much cargo. And pride is a heart hog. Leaves little room for other important precious character traits like kindness, love, forgiveness, mercy, patience, humbleness, gentleness, selflessness. Less pride, more space for the good stuff that true real inner joy radiates for all to see.
To get the issue resolved and back on track, pride needs to be shown the door. So workable solutions to the impasse can happen. And so the same rough edge, jagged glass sharp issues in any relationship do not keep cutting to the bone deep as resentment, discouragement grows.
But removing deep seeded pride that becomes part of your dress can only happen if the clothes horse wearing it sees the damage it causes. The need to get your way is a waste of time and excludes the other person in the relationship wondering hey, what about me? Taking turns, listening to their input builds the relationship. Gives life new meaning as love is allowed to grow.
Concessions, ownership of the part both prideful people play in the way the disagreement gets resolved is surrendering.
For the good of the relationship because you have to for it to grow or flounder. Loosen, remove the prideful chains that cause so much pain, suffering, angst. Watch the number of clashes, grid lock and silence, tip toeing on egg shells atmosphere in a home to disappear. Work to a common solution and don’t stay together but living alone. One on each side of the house, apartment.
The other downside of pride as it takes deep root in your heart? Is the ability you think you have to look in to the hearts of others. To the point that others can not even have their own personal feelings that are supposed to be their very own. Have you ever called someone a liar for how they felt?
Do you use the words “never, always” often to describe the other person’s long list of faults? What is on your paper for faults, areas you struggle or stumble, that need to worked on? Anything?
The more pride, the unhealthy kind you have in your heart, the shorter the list of what you feel needs work within you.
You become perfect in your eyes and others, well not so much. That is not Christian and what gives the desire to be one a bad rap to those that are not. They see you up here, them down here.
We are all beginners, need to be humble, meek, full of humility and grace. Not high and mighty, prideful. No, it is not easy. But is the only way to tackle pride, other areas robbing you of healthy, rich relationships.
How you feel in your heart is not right or wrong.
When you are lucky enough to be with someone that can and does open up their heart, believe them. That honesty clearly explains what the problem is and how to solve it. Because it involves both people in the relationship. And there is only one God that can see what is really in your heart.
Taken face value and not challenged, what is in the heart dared to be shared by someone who can trust you will mean the relationship becomes stronger. Greater closeness, more rich meaningful experiences in life can happen and distance, pushing each other away stops.
No one is a liar in truthfully wearing their heart on their sleeve for all to see.
Also makes you accountable once you admit pride is a cross you have to bear but are working on removing it. Add it to the list of what it takes for better relationships, what you can work on if you take your eyes off the other person’s paper. And work on the areas of your life that need changing, adjustment. Get on your knees, alone in your spiritual garden. A little morsel of pride is healthy, a double helping or plateful is dangerous.
Maine, less people, more natural beauty all four seasons to work on a better you, for a better simpler life. Get here quick as you can.